meloncholy dolly

Hey Rod,

How goes it? Ho hum, well I'm kinda in the doldrums today. I guess that's why people write blogs. Who wants to read about the random, trivial shit people do - like - "I went and bought some Ben and Jerry's double chocolate ice cream and took my cat for some shots and bought a hot new pair of stilettos that I got on sale for $250, and then I went to the doctor for a checkup and some cream for my athlete's foot - BORRRING! I should just put my grocery list on here. And I don't have athlete's foot so don't you spread any rumors. People write blogs to vent, and that's more fun to read anyway.

So on that note - I'm still thinking about the teacher. Blah! I know! I'm a dumb girl, but it's human nature, and i can't help it - the hormones racing through my bloodstream and the happy memories are conspiring against me - they're making me depressed Rod! When I get depressed, I mope around for awhile, watch old TV shows, and eat chocolate. Then, I get pissed at myself and start thinking - "This isn't helpful Em." I saw that on Oprah. What you have to do is figure out the heart of the problem, and then make a plan to fix it - and all better! So, here's what I came up with - the heart of my problem is that I just need to find somebody freaking incredible to love me for who I am (which is, by the way freaking incredible - and modest too). Sounds simple, but that 's a tall order Rod!

No joke. Think about it, we're like 6 billion people on this planet, and we're supposed to find ONE person to love? How am I supposed to know who that is? And how is he supposed to find me? Do I need a beacon or something - like a giant, broken heart projected onto the clouds like the bat symbol? Maybe a giant projected vagina since that's what I'm being, although that will attract the same kind of guys I'm already attracting, lol! Fuck, I don't even know where to start. All I know is that the guys that hang out where I hang out are losers, so I need some new places to hang out. The thing that scares me is that I don't even know if I'll recognize the perfect guy if I see him. Obviously I can't trust my own judgement, looking at my past dating experiences (not even worth mentioning Rod, I'll just say it would be good material for one of those E true hollywood stories). Let me just say - I have been a dumbass! I've assumed 30 year old guys that work in arcades have their shit together. I've dated guys with mohawks and motorcycles who think women are just another bike accessory. I've dated aspiring rock stars who can hardly speak a word sober and only know how to play the crack pipe - which is NOT a musical instrument, by the way. I've had trouble with love, as I'm assuming most of us have.

At least its comforting to know that you're in the same boat as me Rod. Unless you're married. Then you can just fuck off!

Ok, just kidding, you can stay for now, if you buy me something. I kinda feel this perfect soulmate thing may be impossible - its like throwing darts at a board with a tiny bullseye, and you throw and you throw, and then your arm gets tired eventually and you quit when you get kinda halfway there -ish. Then you think good enough and take your darts and try and convince yourself and everyone you know you got a bullseye, and then you try to turn the guy you settled on into a bullseye, and then you give up, have kids, get fat and take pleasure in buying expensive pottery :)

I know there's someone out there for me despite my extenuating circumstances, and I just need to keep a positive attitude and keep putting myself out there. And pray, of course. I will pray for you too Rod, just in case you also happen to be single and ready to mingle. Now I'm going to get some chocolate ice cream and watch I Love Lucy. But I'm not depressed! And I'm not being a whiny bitch, so don't even go there.

Love,
Em