Hi Rod,

Ok, now I've seen him again. I saw that same sunglasses guy tonight, out of the corner of my eye. I was on a busy street, and I looked over and there he was, walking away! I think it was him but I didn't get a good look. Maybe it's a music producer trying to give me a contract, lol! Anyway, I'm done with these meds - their supposed to reduce my anxiety, not increase it. What a shitty drug. It better be the drug - if I see this guy again I'm gonna flip. I hope nobody tries to fuck with me because I can be a violent bitch if I wanna be, lol. Paranoid, crazy Em, writing her spiral into madness in her blog. Soon enough I'm gonna be one of those crazy, ranting homeless guys with a cup and a dirty beard...well, hopefully not the beard. Maybe it's a good thing - lots of famous artists were nuts - look at Van Gogh. Now I just need to start cutting off body parts :)

I'll keep you updated, my dear.

Love,

Em van Gogh

Weird

Hey Rod,

I had to tell you about something weird that happened to me today. I was walking to my neighborhood's magazine stand and I had the weirdest feeling someone was following me. Like the hairs were standing up on the back of my neck, really! I turned around but didn't see anyone out of the ordinary, but then again it was a pretty busy street so maybe I didn't notice. But I just had this "feeling". It happened again yesterday when I saw this dude in sunglasses three times in one day. So of course I looked for him but I didn't see him. AHHH! I've been taking this anxiety medicine which has a side effect of making you a little paranoid, and its working wonderfully, lol! Oh, I guess I never told you I take anti-anxiety drugs, and sometimes anti-depressants. I'm sorry I'm nuts, but that's why you love me right? These drugs can be funny though if you're not used to them, one drug made me feel hot and restless for days until my doctor cut back the dose. Anyway, I wasn't gonna blog today because I'm in a rush but I thought it was an interesting story. Gotta go, I'll ttyl!

Love,
Em

Big news?!

Hi Rod,

Well, as you may know I've been sending out my demo CDs to a whole lotta people. Everyday I make a point of going to the local magazine stand and buying a new music mag and looking up new potential contacts, like producers, industry insiders, fellow musicians who have achieved some success, etc. I go hang out at the local 24 hour internet cafe, and look up new contacts on myspace, craigslist, monster, music websites, search for new auditions, gigs, bands, write emails, etc at all crazy hours of the day and night (the internet cafe is also, by the way, where I write to YOU). I also go to the post office and mail out my demo CD to anyone who happens to express even the slightest interest (and even a lot of people who don't, lol). This is a hard, competitive business, and you gotta always be working to get ahead of the next guy, who may very well be in the booth next to me right now, emailing the same producers, that bastard :)

Well, today all the hard work might have paid off! I got two new emails from producers who said they like my work and want to meet me - wooo hoooo! Two in one day - one alone is rare! I'm going to pause and do the happy-fun dance right now - you can't see me but trust me, and do it with me ..... ok, phew that was fun! So, the first meeting is on Wednesday and the second is Saturday. I will, of course, keep you updated Rod. You've been a fan since the beginning :)))))

Love,
Em

Chipper as a chipmunk

Rod -

What a beautiful day outside! This is why I love Los Angeles - its freakin November, and its sunny and beautiful outside. Rod, you simply must come visit L.A. if you haven't already - preferably when it's freezing and miserable wherever you live.

Today I went to Venice beach to chill and reflect, to gather my thoughts and refresh my spirit. It brought back a lot of memories! If you've never been to Venice beach, the first thing you're struck by is the odd, eclectic mix of people you see. There's the yuppie couples with khakis and sweaters tied around their necks. There's the meatheads with the wifebeaters and shaved heads, walking their pitbulls (whoever has more pitbulls is tougher, and therefore wins at life) - once I honestly saw a guy walking three pitbulls! Three! Imagine how tough that guy must be??? Him and his pitbulls could probably maul like 50 kids in an hour, easy. Then you have the punk-emo kid with the nose rings and black ensembles, the mexican families with the cowboy hats and boots and little tykes running about, the crazy homeless with their cups jangling and beards full of food, the crazy artists with their sidewalk setups, wearing hippie clothes and shouting about Bush and Jesus and love and war. The college to post-college dog walkers with their shell necklaces, frisbees, birkenstock sandels and weed. The teenieboppers with their booty shorts and skateboards, hanging around in loud, awkward groups. The hot bikini chick holding hands with the hot shirtless guy, both coming from tanning and on their way to the spa. The rollerbladers and bikeriders, walkers and joggers, trying to "exercise on the beach" because of guilt or quota or their hot date or their new diet. The Hare Krishna (which are my favorite) - with their brightly flowing robes and their tamborines, big groups of them just singing and dancing, and everybody else stops what they're doing (even the crazy schizophrenic homeless guys) and watches them. Sometimes people even join in. I don't know what they stand for, but it must be fun! Finally you have the gaggles of tourists, with their cameras and shorts and Walmart flip flops, holding their kids tightly by the hand and watching everything with a mixture of trepidation and amazement.

I try to figure out where I fit into this diverse crowd - I kinda just want to be that mysterious girl sitting there alone, kinda invisible, kinda aloof, that nobody really knows and nobody really comes up to. They just ignore her and instead focus on trying to better fit into the mold they've adopted, wrapping their sweaters tighter around their necks, or staring down a guy with another pitbull. She just sits by herself, silently watching everyone all day, close to no one but comfortable where she is, simply enjoying the sunshine. It's kinda like the way I've lived my entire life.

Love,
Em